As I sit sipping my morning coffee I like to ponder the greater mysteries of life…
Why is the sky blue?
Why do people smoke meth?
Why are my elbows so ugly?
If only I had the answers to these questions. But alas, I do not. But that minor detail doesn’t stop me from searching endlessly… looking under every stone and shag pile carpet for just a grain of knowledge.
And then it hit like a huge slap around the face from a mean tempered orangutang:
IT DOESN’T MATTER.
Here is a nice picture of some sexy vegetables 😉
Now we’ve got that out of the way, I think we can all just accept that we only think about stuff when we aren’t having enough sex. Deep thinking is for single geeky loners without friends or fuck buddies… Why am I beginning to feel sexually attracted to aubergines?
Am I normal?
What is normal anyway?
I always seem to end up back where I began…
Whatever you do don’t try to distract yourself with more pictures of delectably erotic vegetables.
Oh, all right then, one more, because they are just so damn fine ❤
Look at that and then tell me God isn’t just one big sexual deviant. In fact I think God spends His/Her entire existence continually in orgasm creating things that turn Him on. Yep, we are all just lumps of God’s cosmic gizz, the product of his explosive multi-dimensional orgasms within the void.
Can vegetables be born in sin? Or did the blood of the orange cleanse them?
Maybe this tomato can answer that question for us…
Reminds me of someone I once knew. That didn’t last long.
Also reminds me of this rather bizarre website I came across randomly one day (I honestly did not type ‘melon fuckers’ into the little white box with the magnifying glass). It was a website dedicated solely to the art of making sweet love to melons. I kid you not. German of course. I understood enough from the pictures to ascertain it was a tutorial on how to perfect your melon cutting techniques. They explained with great care and attention to comfort and detail. I guess it was mainly geared towards the male persuasion, and I do believe that ‘cucumber fuckers’ could have been a nice sister site. Perhaps a bit strapped for material as cucumbers need a lot less effort and are quite self explanatory. But getting back to the melons at hand, these men obviously had a lot of time on their hands and very little social life. Why else would a grown man dedicate large amounts of time to the carving up of juicy spherical fruits? perhaps mentally scarring them for life?
Did the melon give its permission?
If someone had sex with a palm tree could it be classed as date rape?
There I go again with the deeper questions.
Time to Google more pornographic fruits and vegetables me thinks.
I call this last one ‘Spicy Sichuan Egg Plant’, for those of you who have visited Chengdu, you will get my drift 😉