Alien Babies

Have you ever had a dream that seemed real? A dream that felt as if you were being banged by a fantasy? A dream that knew your secret desires, tapped into your forbidden fruit?

You are not going crazy. You were seduced. It’s time we come clean.

Aliens visit you, nakedly, and mindboozle you on a regular basis. We Venusians have toiled to build great flying FUCKs and travelled the vast expanse of space for a mere booty call. Yep. It’s true. Not to mention all the other races here doing the very same thing. We are the good gals however as we acquire consent from your kinkier-then-you-know higher selves before scrumping you.

rat.telepathy One of our specialists getting permission from your higher selves.

It’s not as if all aliens are crazed rapists equipped with anal probes and dildos. We’re mostly just horny and/or desperate. We Venusians feed into your deeper fantasies and try to make them come true, helping our lovers to enjoy the process. I sometimes involve toys, as you do. I try to keep it interesting in case being mindboozled, kidnapped, handcuffed (when necessary) then ridden like a wild tiger just isn’t interesting enough. 😉

You may have heard one of my many lovers — Simon —  recently went public so he asked me to share a photo of our latest bundle of joy Zarka:

Zarka, future ruler of humanity.

Zarka, future ruler of humanity.

Proud Father

Proud Father

He was in tears during the agonising two minute delivery, though it could have been the ammonia in the atmosphere on board our kraft.

I’ve heard his wife wasn’t as overly joyed, in my defence I did send her a Body Shop gift basket. Coconut themed. We are trying to encourage closer relations and full disclosure as we Venusians wish to settle here on a more permanent basis. The sulphuric acid clouds back home are getting gradually worse with every passing kunt and the winds are rising, my skin, quite frankly, can’t take much more. An acid peel now and again keeps you young but going for kunts without skin can become painfully annoying.

But fear not friends and freakle. We are not planning a hostile take over, we are peace loving lay-deez after all.  No, instead of attacking you a la Hollywood we’ll be holding free orgies across all seven continents and giving away nibbles soon after disclosure as a meet and greet. A ‘get to know the neighbours’ soiree. Come and enjoy free happy cookies, laced jelly beans and rampant unprotected sex. Everyone who participates receives a free full body healing before hand in the sonicophagus as a gift, as you Earthlings are just so scabby. I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Breeding a new master race is just a side effect of our arrival, purely coincidental and nothing to worry your pretty little heads about.

bigger brains

The master race has bigger brains but mean you no harm. Honestly.

Vote for Zarka.

And now for your viewing pleasure please stare at this:

sexy-dynamic-young-woman

alcide-1-8

YUM

 We have many children amongst you already socialising and I am brimming with fizzy butterflies and electric whistles as we have even managed to birth males at long last. It took some splicing.

The first part vegetable, part Venusian, part human ever perfected. The holy trinity incarnate.

The first part vegetable, part Venusian, part human ever perfected. The holy trinity incarnate.

We just had to mix our eggs with a little local aubergine.

And Russell: Your real mother Xindoo says hello. She’ll send a flying FUCK for you when it’s time. She can understand you feel as though you don’t fit in amongst Men and Wo-Men but soon it will all make sense. She recommends helium for a good full body buzz.

And now…

Please take our scientifically proven alien baby test — do you:

1. Feel as if you may not be ‘normal’?

2. Sometimes feel depressed?

3. Have an unnatural love of Star Trek?

4. Fail to hold your spirit juice?

If you can answer yes to all four questions above then you are one hundred percent, without a shadow of a doubt, an alien baby.

Please pass on this blog to others so they can do the free alien baby test and get the reassurance they need. Testing can save lives.

Please visit my home page to donate your hard earned bitcoins to this noble cause.

Advertisements

About kristal111peierls

Alien, explorer, blogger.
This entry was posted in Alcide, comedy ramble, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Alien Babies

  1. For those who struggle to read Venusian, please refer to previous posts to learn more vocabulary. A kunt is a Venusian year, and a FUCK is a Flamboyantly Ubiquitous Cruising Kraft. Skank is our word for beautiful.

  2. As weird and as wacky as always Kristal. I nearly choked on my cereal from laughing. You are such a skank lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s